So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24
Forgiving others is one of the most difficult acts we must perform as human beings. It’s unbearably hard to forgive someone that has hurt us or someone we love.
Yet, it is so important to our mental, physical and spiritual health. For, as the verse from Matthew illustrates, you can’t offer your gifts to the world until you’ve reconciled with your brother (or sister).
Sure, you could try to offer your gifts to the world while carrying the burden of anger on your back, but your gift will certainly not be as beautiful.
For example, picture yourself as a singer. If you sang a solo at your church while feeling hurt or angry do you think your God given, musical gift would sound serene and beautiful? It might to a degree, but not as beautiful as it would sound if your voice were unburdened by hurt and anger.
Now, you may be wondering, is it selfish to choose forgiveness purely to benefit you? No, because when you choose to forgive someone – even to feel better yourself – you are lifting a burden off of them as well. Forgiveness is a mutually beneficial act no matter why you choose to forgive.
When we choose to forgive we are not excusing someone’s poor behavior or actions. Instead, we are freeing our heart and soul from the hurt their poor behavior or actions caused. Forgiveness is the biggest sign of self-love and the most important gift we can give ourselves.
You may need to forgive yourself. Here are some suggestions on how to forgive yourself:
- Identify what you need to forgive. Do not ever repeat the behavior. Knowing that you will not do it again will help you.
- Make a decision to release any guilt feelings that are making you feel guilty. Write them down on a piece of paper, then destroy the paper while forgiving yourself.
- Tell a trusted person or friend what you have done and let them know that you have forgiven yourself. Telling someone will help with any lonely feelings.
- Stop it! Literally say those two words out loud and include your name; it may sound like this: “Stop it DeLores!” Hearing those words can help you switch your mindset instantly. You cannot change what happened. Thinking about your mistake over and over does not help you or the situation. So, stop it!
- Love and embrace who you are today. You may need to make changes but self-love is important to forgiveness.
- If you need help forgiving someone or yourself ask for help from God; he can help you forgive because he is the foremost expert in the act. You can also seek support from a minister, spiritual advisor, life coach or counselor whom you trust.